13 Uses of a Small Bone Pillow

(In which my Lovely Solace becomes more creative.)

During the Christmas season, people are quite busy checking out gift items for loved ones out of the very limited time that they have. That is why we choose the most common gifts that do not really require much planning and thought like pillows. But you’d want to stay away from the very usual round and rectangular ones but wouldn’t want to give out hearts two months ahead of time so you’ll choose the very cuddly bone pillow. Not only is its softness proportionate to comfort and warmth, its mere presence suggests thoughtfulness minus the effort.

Now Sandy receives a very lovely little bone pillow from Teacher Glaiza which she obviously adores. She keeps on hugging it and thumbing it as if it’s the most precious thing ever when she doesn’t seem to use the drawing pad I gave her. Now there isn’t any intended trace of jealousy there. I found the pillow lovable too. But what is more lovable is the idea that Sandy found out during our class while she was hugging the pillow – that its uses are far beyond its being a pillow.

A Bone Pillow

“Teacher! Look!” she told me in a manner that makes me imagine Archimedes.

“What?”

“First, this is a pillow for naps,” she said, then put the pillow on the table and bury her tiny face in it in an unquestionable display of comfort and contentment of a weary soul upon seeking refuge. Then she lifted her head and held the pillow in her hands. “Then it’s a tumbling toy!” she said gleefully as she tossed the pillow in the air, her smile widening every time she catches it. Then she paused and tapped the wall, creating a roll of bass sounds. “Then it’s sound of…” she thought for a moment but did not stop beating.

“Drums?” I asked.

“Yeah!” she said in her signature exuberance.

“Then if there’s a bad person, you can hit him with it. Or when a mosquito bit you, you can do this,” she said as she scratched her leg with the pillow.

After answering an activity, she felt bored and sleepy but I told her to study so she slapped her face with the pillow.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I need to wake up.”

Then upon realizing that she has just discovered a new use for the pillow, she smiled and shouted “Oh so many things!”

And the list went on. It got so interesting we have to write it down.

1. Pillow for naps
2. Tumbling toy
3. Drumstick for the wall
4. Weapon against bad guys
5. A mosquito bite scratcher
6. A slapper to wake you up
7. A fan
8. A dirt remover (Just scrub the dirt off and go!)
9. A punching bag
10. An improvised hunchback prop
11. Scratcher for the back (works perfectly when you’re playing a hunchback)
12. A dog bone when pretending to be a dog (which works as a pacifier too)
13. An arm exercise (attach the handle with the pencil and torture yourself with its weight and size while you’re writing)

When we’re done listing and she got tired of speaking, she asked me, “How many?”

“Thirteen.”

“Wow! So many!” she said as she tossed the pillow high up in the air. When she caught it, she paused and started thinking again.

Explanations

(In which I attempt to justify this blog’s title through this post.)

***

I know that it is quite strange to explain the chosen title for this blog after posting more than seventy articles. However, I just so happen to recently understand how long I might be keeping the title. You know what I mean, I hope. Searching for your place in the world or even searching for your real self – as well as all that composes you is like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack".

We all are searchers of different things and places and faces. And I am on my own venture for the search of happiness. I may sometimes mistake happiness from momentary gladness. But in the end I know that I am searching for that happiness which is long-lasting. And no. I am not looking for a knight in shining armor for I am not a lady in distress and this is not a happy-ever-after type of story. But I do hope this is not tragic anyway.

***

I told Alvin he wouldn’t find out if I blogged about him. But after sending a file to a common friend bearing the url of this site I felt reluctant to write but sensed that not everybody are concerned about reading my posts anyway – aside from the very few constant readers who I really treasure. So now I am.

I thought my search will be old-fashioned till I met this guy. I love technology. The best part is the chase and the mind reading game which I am never good at. No I am not chasing him. You wouldn’t want to know how I chase. But after a month or so of constant correspondence, I learned how to react to double edged jokes, or statements– the kind that both intended to make your heart pound like crazy and make you demur. And I learned that the best response is to mimic. Now the problem is that we women – ok, I, am so susceptible to falling regardless of proximity. Now I don’t know if I should still love or begin to hate good conversations.

But thanks to good-natured people, I am now starting to be enlightened and aware. Who knows whether my romantic search is going to end gradually or abruptly, or is just starting to take good turns? And yes, I still have an intellectual search and all those search stuff. One step at a time? Sure. I am in no rush. But the problem with me is I can hardly define and recognize what a waste of time is once a potential crap is beautifully packaged and has this beautiful ability to make me feel good and think otherwise. So help me God.

So why The Seeker?

On Happiness: A Letter To Someone From the Past and Present

(In which learning the difference makes the difference.)

***

August 23, 2009

8:05 PM

Dear,

I want to share with you one of the best lessons, er, or should I say, the only good lesson I got from a professor of American Literature way back my second year in the university. She once asked us the definition of happiness, which we tried to answer using the different shades of the word’s meaning. Then, as if to augment our agony, she asked again “What is the difference between satisfaction and contentment?” A classmate answered, “Well, they both suggest happiness.” to which the professor replied, “Yes, they do. They are similar in the sense that they both suggest happiness. However, it’s the duration of happiness that sets them apart.”

Then silence fell over the class. And she continued.

“Being satisfied with something, or someone, gives you pleasure from happiness that is ephemeral and volatile. Satisfaction suggests conditions, and if those conditions are no longer met, you cease to be satisfied and you cease to be happy. Your happiness, therefore, is short-lived and ends upon the change of conditions. Contentment, on the other hand, suggests happiness that is long-term. When you are contented, there are no but’s, no maybe’s, no if’s. You can stick with someone or something and never get tired of it. You don’t need any conditions. So if you want to be happy, you need to be contented.”

You told me once, that you’ve always wanted me to be happy. And whatever you’re doing now is a manifestation of your pure and unconditional love for me. Thank you very much. But dear, I don’t need another mother. You can do better than that.

But despite everything, I want you to know that you are very much appreciated and loved. I’m not the silly kid you used to know. At least not as silly as I used to be. You see, I am thinking now. But please do not forget that I am also feeling.

No matter how much we try to categorize things, I believe these present feelings and intentions will be hard, if not impossible, to classify under a specific term. I don’t really care much about it. What’s more important now is, sadly, the ephemeral factor of this relationship - however you want to call this relationship.

I’m starting to understand, but not fully. All I know is, from what you said, you are offering me pure love that I either overlook or do not see at all. You might be right. But I guess it is not wrong to think that your pure love is equal to charity. (Thank you for your generosity.)

Or maybe, what you’re really trying to teach me is that you can only give me the satisfaction from the knowledge and feeling that I am not alone – for now. That you are just nurturing and taking care of me until I am strong enough to be free from your benevolent guidance. My dear, how lame and corny can you be! Your litany of reasons and justifications and excuses make me feel like I’m a bird learning to fly. How literary! But you’re right. For now, I am dependent of your presence. So dear, let’s keep it simple. Drop the nonsense lines and unwelcomed names. I see that it’s not happiness you’re giving, but the realization of the truth that it is contentment I need which is not in you.

Dear, please do not let your pure love drag me to the quicksand of doom. Instead, let it guide me towards complete healing. You can leave anytime but now, nor tomorrow. It is again the question of duration. Until then, please stay and bear with me.

For our happiness,

The Seeker Girl

So Far…

(In which I realized that I’m not a very bad student after all.)

***

I’m 21. And I’ve been a sucker for Life’s hardest spanks for as long as I can remember. That statement wasn’t written for effect. Seriously.

And for the last 13 years or so, I’ve learned several things (They might sound foolish and you might have learned them your own way but I’m still writing them though.) that show how well I know Life’s lessons but not quite as well as how much they should have made me wiser.

Anyway, at least I’m not that ignorant.

So far, I’ve learned…

That five-year-old kids shouldn’t use scissors without an adult’s guidance.

That drinking milk is important.

That you shouldn’t watch another kid play while feeding the dog.

That listening to instructions carefully is a must – especially during a district quiz bee.

That principals aren’t so concerned about your feelings that they can even announce how stupid you are for failing to listen to instructions carefully during a district quiz bee in front of ALL the other students on a flag ceremony.

That in high school, having your chairs arranged in a circle is a very interesting, if not the most effective, seating arrangement.

That wearing glasses increases your chances of being friendless and misunderstood.

That joining a brass band means more than having music lessons.

That it’s better not to be with your younger sister in the same brass band.

That the chance of not ending up with your first boyfriend is very huge.

That Elton John was right when he said that honesty is such a lonely word.

That rockers could also be softies.

That some professors aren’t as professional as what they are supposed to be.

That you can surprisingly be at your best under pressure.

That algebra isn’t big enough to keep you from being on top.

That friends are chosen.

That no matter how smart you are, you are never smart all the time.

That at times, the worst decisions we make are the ones that seemed to be well-thought and well-planned.

That the belief about “men are wolves and women are foxes” isn’t always true. It could be the other way around.

That Koreans believe that you can die when you sleep with the fan on.

That entering a relationship is a gamble. And when you engage in a gamble, be ready to lose.

That in a relationship, courtship is the best part.

That even if a man is very nice and sweet doesn't mean he can make you happy.

That a right love at the wrong time is still wrong.

That the one who promises doesn’t know what a promise is.

That at times, even if men’s promises sound suspicious, women still believe.

That age does not justify maturity.

That you can cry over a breakup with your mouth open in front of your mom and don’t feel bad about it.

That crying isn’t equal to vulnerability.

That no matter how much you wanted to curse the ones who broke your heart, you just can’t because you can’t hate them.

That you can be cold to people you don’t like yet you wonder why some people are cold to you.

That no matter how much you wanted to give someone you love their happiness, it is never easy to give them their freedom from you.

That loving means letting someone go.

That letting go is braver than holding on.

That I am not brave.