Friday, December 4, 2009

Explanations

(In which I attempt to justify this blog’s title through this post.)

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I know that it is quite strange to explain the chosen title for this blog after posting more than seventy articles. However, I just so happen to recently understand how long I might be keeping the title. You know what I mean, I hope. Searching for your place in the world or even searching for your real self – as well as all that composes you is like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack".

We all are searchers of different things and places and faces. And I am on my own venture for the search of happiness. I may sometimes mistake happiness from momentary gladness. But in the end I know that I am searching for that happiness which is long-lasting. And no. I am not looking for a knight in shining armor for I am not a lady in distress and this is not a happy-ever-after type of story. But I do hope this is not tragic anyway.

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I told Alvin he wouldn’t find out if I blogged about him. But after sending a file to a common friend bearing the url of this site I felt reluctant to write but sensed that not everybody are concerned about reading my posts anyway – aside from the very few constant readers who I really treasure. So now I am.

I thought my search will be old-fashioned till I met this guy. I love technology. The best part is the chase and the mind reading game which I am never good at. No I am not chasing him. You wouldn’t want to know how I chase. But after a month or so of constant correspondence, I learned how to react to double edged jokes, or statements– the kind that both intended to make your heart pound like crazy and make you demur. And I learned that the best response is to mimic. Now the problem is that we women – ok, I, am so susceptible to falling regardless of proximity. Now I don’t know if I should still love or begin to hate good conversations.

But thanks to good-natured people, I am now starting to be enlightened and aware. Who knows whether my romantic search is going to end gradually or abruptly, or is just starting to take good turns? And yes, I still have an intellectual search and all those search stuff. One step at a time? Sure. I am in no rush. But the problem with me is I can hardly define and recognize what a waste of time is once a potential crap is beautifully packaged and has this beautiful ability to make me feel good and think otherwise. So help me God.

So why The Seeker?