Monday, April 27, 2009

Nemo me impune lacessit.*

(In which R is for Revenge and X is for...)

***

I received a text message just as I was writing this, saying:
“Two things you should remember in life:
First, do not make decisions when you’re angry.
Second, do not make promises when you’re happy.”

Don’t get me wrong. I included that here to insinuate that I am still on my normal state of mind that I still take into consideration these things. I understand perfectly but my anger is too much I don’t give a damn about this quotation so let me get on with my angst – with a question.

How awful is it to decide to live happily and carefree only to realize that X, the monster in your life was back? Yeah. That monster wasn’t really a monster the first time you met. X was a “fairy in disguise.” Don’t ask me why it’s a fairy. Don’t ask me about X’s gender or sex either. That’s just it. X is X and X was a fairy in disguise. And X’s mask was so durable and well-made it took eight months to wear off. Whoa! What a mask!

So X is back – a decision which could make or break X’s own life – and mine as well. If I have enough patience and faith, I would be able to resist the temptation of losing my Christianity and be a criminal. I hope I do. Because right now, there is nothing sweeter than revenge – served cold.

I read “The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe last night, thinking about having Susan read it for psychoanalysis. I marveled at how Montressor plotted such a genius way of taking revenge. It turned out just later this day why I read it. No. it’s not for psychoanalysis. And no. I’m not thinking about taking X into a catacomb full of niter when X was intoxicated and coughing as hell and bury X there. I’m not that insane – yet. Besides, I can’t find a catacomb like that in the short story. It would be perfect to show X the motto of Montressor’s family - Nemo me impune lacessit – for effect, eh? So the reason why my little fingers led me to that page? It’s for inspiration, maybe. Yeah. That’s how much my anger is burning me now.

I know. No one is faultless. X had faults and I had mine, too. Yet there are faults which we can put up with and there are those which we cannot.

Now whether it is I who should punish X or whether the punishment for X would take place in this lifetime are both unanswerable. I hope rescue will come sooner than having to lose something precious.

“The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge.”
- Opening of “The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe
* No one attacks me without being punished for it.