(In which accidentally hearing a conversation made me ask questions… Again.)
No, I’m not eavesdropping. It’s an accident. I just felt the urge to write but there is nothing to write about. Or there is. Maybe. But that will cost two reputations so I might as well keep my blog quiet. But the urge is so strong I need to write about something and the conversation that took place just behind my wall gave me inspiration.
How true are the adages “Out of sight, out of mind” and “Absence makes the heart go wander”? I wish they are as true as they should. But then again, I believe, it’s not the presence of the person you are supposed or trying to forget that make everything freaking difficult but the memories. Oh those sweet, haunting, should-have-never-happened stuffs.
The next question is “How long should the person be absent for him/her to be out of your mind?” Is six months enough? A year? How about two? Another immeasurable thing. (This one should happen ASAP.)
Speaking from experience, it s really not easy. I don’t know how it is for you. But I believe that forgetting about someone takes a lot of effort – especially if the mere thought about that person is enough to take you to the ICU. Of course that’s an exaggeration but you get the point, right? But the more guts and courage you muster to forget about that son-of-a-B, they just don’t get you any closer to your goal. Because the more efforts you take, the more conscious you get. And the more conscious you get about forgetting, the more it seems impossible. So my friend’s advice: do it unconsciously. It’ll take some time – sure. But make yourself busy with other people and other stuffs and you’ll forget about that person soon. Got that.
Just as everything about the plan seems to be perfectly executed, it’s the freaking memories that keep you stuck at square one. No. I am not talking about the thoughts of you and that person having a romantic dinner somewhere. I’m referring to things that are, for me, so trashy and cheesy yet so strong. How about the note that she/he wrote on a paper when you’re busy on the phone? The paper flower? Or a conversation-on-paper the two of you did out of boredom which you found when you came across your old folders? I told you they’re cheesy. But nevertheless, it’s the personal touch in them that made them special.
You can throw that. But I doubt if I will or I can. You see, no matter how rubbish they are, they’re still proofs how happy I was once. And seeing them once in a while is another proof that I’ve become stronger. Yeah. You have to shed a few teardrops at times. But that’s just it.
So why do I need to forget? Why can’t I just forget about forgetting? Now I’m back to questioning Time. Sigh. But the night is still long. And I still have memories to keep… out of sight.
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.' (line 89 – 91)
Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." (line 97 – 98)
Edgar Allan Poe
The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho